I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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