either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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