i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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