Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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