Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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