Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
