OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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