areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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