I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
