I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
