If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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