Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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