Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
