When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
