Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
