I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm like, not good at living.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
