We named our party play list daddy issues
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
