How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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