If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
