He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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