she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
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If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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