I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
