I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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