put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
