So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
