Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
