FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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