I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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