Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
