you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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