ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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