i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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