You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
