I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize