Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
