matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
