I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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