my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
