3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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