Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
