Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
