She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
