I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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