you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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