i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
