I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
