How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
