Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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