but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
