I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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