You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Randomize
