I just saw a hot homeless man
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
