guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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