he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
