This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
