Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Panties = found
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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