I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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