How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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