I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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