dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
