just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
