my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
being pregnant is like rehab
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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