Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
