Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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