Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
