It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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